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MARRIAGE LEGENDS AND ODDITIES

Wedding Lore & Traditions

• Tossing the Bouquet: Tossing the bouquet is a tradition that stems from England. Women used to try to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers in order to obtain some of her good luck. To escape from the crowd the bride would toss her bouquet and run away. Today the bouquet is tossed to single women with the belief that whoever catches it will be the next to marry.
• Giving Away the Bride: The tradition of the father giving away his daughter has its roots in the days of arranged marriages. Daughters in those times were considered their father's property. It was the father's right to give his child to the groom, usually for a price. Today a father giving away his daughter is a symbol of his blessing of the marriage.
• The Wedding Ring: The wedding ring has been worn on the third finger of the left hand since Roman times. The Romans believed that the vein in that finger runs directly to the heart. The wedding ring is a never-ending circle, which symbolizes everlasting love.
• The Best Man: In ancient times, men sometimes captured women to make them their brides. A man would take along his strongest and most trusted friend to help him fight resistance from the woman's family. This friend, therefore, was considered the best man among his friends. In Anglo-Saxon England, the best man accompanied the groom up the aisle to help defend the bride.
• Bride on Groom's Left: Because grooms in Anglo-Saxon England often had to defend their brides, the bride would stand to the left of her groom so that his sword arm was free.
• Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, and a Sixpence in Your Shoe: (1.) "Something old" represents the bride's link to her family and the past. The bride may choose to wear a piece of family jewelry or her mother or grandmother's wedding gown. (2.) "Something new" represents hope for good fortune and success in the future. The bride often chooses the wedding gown to represent the new item.
  (3.) "Something borrowed" usually comes from a happily married woman and is thought to lend some of her good fortune and joy to the new bride. (4.) "Something blue" is a symbol of love, fidelity, and purity of the bride. (5.) A sixpence in her shoe is to wish the bride wealth in her future life.
• The Tiered Wedding Cake: The origin of the tiered wedding cake also lies in Anglo-Saxon times. Guests would bring small cakes to the wedding and stack them on top of each other. Later, a clever French baker created a cake in the shape of the small cakes and covered it in frosting. It is now known as the tiered cake.
• Wedding Bouquet: Flowers are incorporated into the wedding ceremony as a symbol of fertility. The first bouquets consisted of herbs and, later, orange blossoms.
• The Bridal Veil: The bridal veil has long been a symbol of youth, modesty, and virginity and was used to ward off evil.
• Bridesmaids: The bridal party is a tradition that has been established for many centuries. For a long time the purpose of the bridal party was to fool evil spirits. The bride's friends dressed similarly to her in order to confuse any virulent presences that might be lurking about. Today bridesmaids are there to support the bride in the stressful times during the wedding.

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A Little Marital History
The primary bases for marriage until only a few centuries ago were property and politics (specifically, that a promising workmate and good in-laws were what one hoped to find in a spouse, more than someone who rang one's chimes personally); that love and personal satisfaction only began to be a central factor in choosing one's partner in the 18th century; and that the “perfect” 1950s nuclear family was little more than the last gasp of an ideal right at the moment it began to be fully realized and just before it collapsed, rather than the longtime model for traditional marriage and family patterns in reality.

For more than a thousand years, the Church did not officiate at marriages, but simply took couples' word for it. It also did not object to no-fault divorce until the 8th century. Long after St. Paul's famously grudging endorsement of marriage (“it is better to marry than to burn”), various Christian authorities, from Pope Gregory in the 6th century to Puritan pamphleteers in the 18th, warned of the threats of love, carnal pleasure, and other potential pitfalls of marriage which they felt bordered on idolatry and detracted from the love of God.

Throughout most of U.S. history, women worked outside the home (in the fields) or alongside their husbands (as mercantile partners), as did children—many of whom were farmed out to other homes as servants and apprentices, and later recruited into factories; thus, astonishingly, the very first time a majority of American families featured a primary breadwinner father, a nonworking mother, and children who were in school rather than the workforce was the 1920s!

The supposed “late” marriages of the past 30 years have nothing on Western European couples of the 16th and 17th centuries, who delayed wedlock (though not necessarily sex) into their 30s and 40s because they were saving to buy a business or start a farm.

Because the punishment for adultery in ancient Greece was so much worse than for prostitution, upper-class married women registered as prostitutes to avoid stiff penalties for their affairs.

Interesting Marriage Facts

• In the early years of the twentieth century, marriage was seen as an impediment in the path of any young bank clerk and was prohibited until an employee's salary reached $1,000 a year. It was feared that an early marriage invariably led to debt resulting in possible defalcation. More importantly, marriage retarded the frequent transfers that were required for a young banker's professional development.
• Younger people in the U.S. who are marrying for the first time face roughly a 40-50% chance of divorcing in their lifetime under current trends .
• Of first marriages that end in divorce, many end in the first 3 to 5 years. (As one example, for first marriages ending in divorce among women aged 25 to 29, the median length of marriage before divorce in 1990 was 3.4 years.
• Afro-Americans are less likely to approve of unmarried cohabitation than whites, but more likely to do it.
• Born-again Christians are just as likely to see their marriages end in divorce as non born-agains, and both enjoy a divorce rate only 2 percent lower than that of atheists and agnostics.
• In the Bible-Belt, low-income South, rates of divorce and out-of-wedlock births are higher than anywhere else (and more likely to be regarded with disapproval).
• Women who hold more traditional views are less likely to divorce, but also less likely to marry (and traditionally-minded men are more likely to do both ).
• Mismanaged conflict and negative interaction in marriage predicts both marital distress and negative effects for children.
• Marital problems are associated with decreased work productivity, especially for men.
• A variety of studies suggest that the seeds of marital distress and divorce are there for many couples when they say, "I Do." These studies show that premarital (or early marital) variables can predict which couples will do well and which will not with accuracies of 80% up to 94%.
• Many more couples live together prior to marriage than in the past. Recent estimates are in the range of 60+%. These couples are less likely to stay married, probably mostly due to the fact that they are less conservative about marriage and divorce in the first place.
• Money is the one thing that people say they argue about most in marriage, followed by children. But, there is a lot of reason to believe that what couples argue about is not as important as how they argue.
• Married men and women in all age groups are less likely to be limited in activity (a general health indice) due to illness than single, separated, divorced, or widowed individuals.
• Children living with a single parent or adult report a higher prevalence of activity limitation and higher rates of disability. They are also more likely to be in fair or poor health and more likely to have been hospitalized.
• The birth of a first child disrupts marital harmony and requires adjustment. Among other things, the increased time spent with the newborn often reduces the time husband and wife spend together. The decreased time spent alone as a couple for first-time parents often contributes to a decline in marital satisfaction.
• Caesar Augustus presented himself as a “family values” emperor who sought to raise the birthrate by penalizing Romans who were not married by a certain age, and by giving preference to office seekers who were married and had children. But he was divorced, had affairs, and arranged for the murder of several political rivals.
• Through the Middle Ages, incest taboos promulgated by the Church were spottily enforced if royal power matches were involved. For example, in 1152 Louis VII divorced Eleanor of Acquitaine, a cousin four or five times removed, on grounds of “incest” to marry Constance of Castile, an even closer relative.
• The "triple threat" of marital conflict, divorce, and out-of-wedlock births has led to a generation of U.S. children at great risk for poverty, health problems, alienation, and antisocial behavior.

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Marriage Quotes

• Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
• Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
• Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
• Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
• Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
• Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.
• Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
• It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
• Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
• It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!
• There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
• A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
• A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman
• A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
• A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
• Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
• They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
• When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
• Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
• Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her
• Always talk to your wife while you're making love.. if there's a phone handy.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates
• Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
• Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
• If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -Chekhov
• Joint Checking Account: a handy little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
• Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
• Man and wife make one fool.
• In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
• In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!
• Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
• Marriage is a rest period between romances.
• Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
• Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
• Marriage is an institution--but who wants to live in an institution?
• Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
• Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
• Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
• Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
• Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
• Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
• Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.
• Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
• My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.
• My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
• My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

Short Marriage Jokes

• Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
  Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
• Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
  Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!
• There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"
• There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.
• I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.
• I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -Dick Martin
• I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -Phyllis Diller
• Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -Rich Little
• It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
• Losing a wife can be hard. In some cases, it's almost impossible.
• How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
• I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt her.
• If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
• If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
• My wife gets a mudpack and looks great for a day. Then the mud falls off!
• When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
• How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
• Marriage is like a phone call in the night, First the ring, And then you wake up!

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MARRAIGE JOKES

• A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out....
• Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
• A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Judy, pack up your things! I just won the New York lottery!' Judy replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
• A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than mine."
• A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
• A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no! My wife's dinner party!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
• A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it, and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving, that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week, my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid it was you and you were trying to give her back."
• An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
• An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license. The patrolman said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"
• This woman at a party walked up to this man and told him, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink," and the man says, "If you were my wife I would drink it."

The Secret To Making A Marriage Last

Two times a week, my wife and I go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Mondays, I go Fridays. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in London and mine is in N.Y.

Smelly Socks & Bad Breath
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."

This seemed to be a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom.

"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. She thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony.

Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well, until about six months later.

Shortly before dawn, the husband awoke with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed.

This, of course, woke his bride who without thinking, immediately asked, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

"Thank you to all who submitted Marriage stuff!

If you'll e-mail ol' Caddylak Maxy a short Marriage joke, Marriage one-liners, Marriage legends or Marriage historical facts he will make you Marriage famous by giving you all the credit and posting it on his Marriage Legends and Oddities page! "That's if he likes it and it ain't already listed!" -Says, Caddylak Maxy.

Sources: AHA Jokes, Aarons Jokes, U.S. Bureau of the Census, National Center for Health Statistics and the usual gang of idiots at the Caddylak Graffix Greeting Cards caption writing office!

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Marriage Legends And Oddities is constantly being updated.
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Last Updated: Tuesday June 19, 2007 1:47 P.M.

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